it’s always so interesting to think of the alternatives. And I literally just made some huge decisions last night-anesthesia releasing and all…. but they felt right….. I am a person without kids that I think a lot of people wonder what I do with my time in my life, but it is completely full.. and I give you so much credit for talking about the alternative cause a lot of people I think are scared to let their minds go there
Well my mind goes wherever it feels like and sometimes it’s not good places and sometimes it’s the best of places. But I like to try to think of all kind of alternatives. Because you never know where life can take you so we must be prepared for different variations.
I love it!!! truly- I just scratched an entire idea I was going to launch because it felt like way too much work at 51- imagination is what its about!!! My life has taken the best turns when I do the enexpected!
It’s fun writing out different versions. Just like I’ve written out many times in my life what I would do if I won the lottery. The odds of it happening for me are nil to zero but it’s still fun to imagine.
Well I hope you unscratch that idea. That’s the best part about writing. You can come up with whatever your heart desires. Most of my favorite books are fantasy books. Books about things that will never come true yet someone thought them up and wrote them down and I’m so thankful they did.
You’ve given me some inspiration- seriously- like dream life many options what would it be, and I consider myself pretty darn lucky- while Ive experienced some crazy adversity early on- Ive created I life I truly love- but perhaps I should write out different version of what else it could include. thank you for the inso!!!
Courtney, you add an important dimension to April’s reflection by naming how full a life can be across very different paths. Your own decision last night gives your words extra weight; you are writing from the middle of choosing, with that feeling of rightness still close enough to touch. April’s willingness to imagine alternate futures creates room for exactly this kind of honesty, where gratitude for the life in front of us can coexist with curiosity about roads we might still take. Thank you for bringing your own experience into her reflection and widening the conversation around what a full life can look like.
Thank you- it’s funny because I told my sister tonight the decision I made last night, and she questioned me about it cause it was something I was thinking about launching. And I said I have the right to change my mind-and she said yes of course- I wouldn’t have said that to her a year ago, my nervous system would’ve had me stuck-that’s what’s fascinating about life…. life is funny and FULL of nuance. here is the other irony, I’ve never thought of my life with children- and in the first part of my life I tried- that’s the irony. But I have thought about if I ended up alone🤷♀️
Dear April..you are already so blessed by the love you have with your husband, your gift of children who already do, and will, continue to enrich your lives.. as we all eventually grow older.. those same children will shock and surprise you one day with children of their own ..you will be over the moon for them..I’ve been through it🙏🏻
Keep striving for your hearts desire..I see much more travel in your future. ✈️🙌
In the meantime there is a clear steady course to follow but keep picking up those jewels and roses along the way…you so deserve everything beautiful, beautiful.🙏🏻😘
Valerie, your blessing reaches April from the vantage point of someone who has already watched children grow into adults and surprise you with another generation to love. Your image of gathering “jewels and roses” along the way honors the life she has now while she dreams toward the one still taking shape. You extend April’s trajectory with the beautiful reminder that the future may hold gifts she cannot yet plan for alongside the dreams she can already name. Thank you for bringing your own journey into her reflection with such warmth and hope.
April, this reads like a life map drawn in pencil: 62 mountain acres, children moving toward adulthood, eleven years on a retirement clock, trips penciled into future seasons, and a piece of land waiting for the life you can already see there. I love how honestly you hold gratitude for your husband and children alongside the ache of knowing your spirit wants more room, more sky, more movement, and a home that feels chosen. Your future has cows, goats, Airbnbs, furniture your husband builds, grandchildren close enough to love well, and passports that refuse to gather dust, which may be the most April vision imaginable. Thank you for trusting us with a version of hope that includes budgets, timing, family obligations, overgrown acreage, and dreams stubborn enough to remain alive anyway.
One of the most honest parts of this essay is your recognition that gratitude and longing can coexist. You can love your husband and children, appreciate your mother’s help, and understand the practical reasons you remained—and still admit that your spirit wants to live somewhere else. Wanting a different landscape or future does not make your present life meaningless or your family less loved. It simply means that part of you is still reaching toward a life that feels more fully your own.
Please continue writing about this evolving trajectory, April. Many people in the middle of family obligations feel guilty even admitting that they want something different, and your honesty gives them permission to hold love and restlessness together. I would also be interested in how working as a hospice nurse shapes your urgency to travel, build, and experience more of life. You spend your working hours close to the reality that time is finite; perhaps these dreams are not escapes from your life but reminders not to postpone it all. aa
Thank you for your kind words and wonderful insight. I do hope with time those conversations do bring me to places that even I can’t even image, in the best of ways. That’s what life is truly all about, seeing where the river takes us. We can help steer it, but ultimately the current will take us where we are supposed to be.
Thank you for taking the time to read it and give such a thorough comment. I know there are so many people out there that sit alone and wonder “what if?” I also know the fear of admitting to those what ifs. But I am a human. I was single before I became a wife and a mother, and one day my soul will be again. We are all on our own unique journey, with people coming along for the ride when the time is right.
April, “I was single before I became a wife and a mother” is a powerful recognition that your personhood preceded the roles you now hold.
I would offer one gentle addition: your soul does not have to wait until “one day” to belong to itself again. Marriage, motherhood, and caregiving add profound relationships and responsibilities, but they do not suspend the individual you were—or the person you are still becoming.
Perhaps the challenge is not choosing between yourself and the people you love. It is about learning to remain fully present in those relationships without treating self-erasure as proof of devotion.
The “what ifs” do not have to become threats to your family. Spoken honestly and handled with care, they can become a compass, a conversation, or even a shared plan. Your willingness to name them may help others understand that longing for personal growth is not the same as longing to abandon those traveling beside us.
it’s always so interesting to think of the alternatives. And I literally just made some huge decisions last night-anesthesia releasing and all…. but they felt right….. I am a person without kids that I think a lot of people wonder what I do with my time in my life, but it is completely full.. and I give you so much credit for talking about the alternative cause a lot of people I think are scared to let their minds go there
Well my mind goes wherever it feels like and sometimes it’s not good places and sometimes it’s the best of places. But I like to try to think of all kind of alternatives. Because you never know where life can take you so we must be prepared for different variations.
I love it!!! truly- I just scratched an entire idea I was going to launch because it felt like way too much work at 51- imagination is what its about!!! My life has taken the best turns when I do the enexpected!
It’s fun writing out different versions. Just like I’ve written out many times in my life what I would do if I won the lottery. The odds of it happening for me are nil to zero but it’s still fun to imagine.
yes!
Well I hope you unscratch that idea. That’s the best part about writing. You can come up with whatever your heart desires. Most of my favorite books are fantasy books. Books about things that will never come true yet someone thought them up and wrote them down and I’m so thankful they did.
You’ve given me some inspiration- seriously- like dream life many options what would it be, and I consider myself pretty darn lucky- while Ive experienced some crazy adversity early on- Ive created I life I truly love- but perhaps I should write out different version of what else it could include. thank you for the inso!!!
Courtney, you add an important dimension to April’s reflection by naming how full a life can be across very different paths. Your own decision last night gives your words extra weight; you are writing from the middle of choosing, with that feeling of rightness still close enough to touch. April’s willingness to imagine alternate futures creates room for exactly this kind of honesty, where gratitude for the life in front of us can coexist with curiosity about roads we might still take. Thank you for bringing your own experience into her reflection and widening the conversation around what a full life can look like.
Well said, Rev.
Thank you- it’s funny because I told my sister tonight the decision I made last night, and she questioned me about it cause it was something I was thinking about launching. And I said I have the right to change my mind-and she said yes of course- I wouldn’t have said that to her a year ago, my nervous system would’ve had me stuck-that’s what’s fascinating about life…. life is funny and FULL of nuance. here is the other irony, I’ve never thought of my life with children- and in the first part of my life I tried- that’s the irony. But I have thought about if I ended up alone🤷♀️
Dear April..you are already so blessed by the love you have with your husband, your gift of children who already do, and will, continue to enrich your lives.. as we all eventually grow older.. those same children will shock and surprise you one day with children of their own ..you will be over the moon for them..I’ve been through it🙏🏻
Keep striving for your hearts desire..I see much more travel in your future. ✈️🙌
In the meantime there is a clear steady course to follow but keep picking up those jewels and roses along the way…you so deserve everything beautiful, beautiful.🙏🏻😘
Valerie, your blessing reaches April from the vantage point of someone who has already watched children grow into adults and surprise you with another generation to love. Your image of gathering “jewels and roses” along the way honors the life she has now while she dreams toward the one still taking shape. You extend April’s trajectory with the beautiful reminder that the future may hold gifts she cannot yet plan for alongside the dreams she can already name. Thank you for bringing your own journey into her reflection with such warmth and hope.
Thank you dear Sir 🌹💎💍
April, this reads like a life map drawn in pencil: 62 mountain acres, children moving toward adulthood, eleven years on a retirement clock, trips penciled into future seasons, and a piece of land waiting for the life you can already see there. I love how honestly you hold gratitude for your husband and children alongside the ache of knowing your spirit wants more room, more sky, more movement, and a home that feels chosen. Your future has cows, goats, Airbnbs, furniture your husband builds, grandchildren close enough to love well, and passports that refuse to gather dust, which may be the most April vision imaginable. Thank you for trusting us with a version of hope that includes budgets, timing, family obligations, overgrown acreage, and dreams stubborn enough to remain alive anyway.
One of the most honest parts of this essay is your recognition that gratitude and longing can coexist. You can love your husband and children, appreciate your mother’s help, and understand the practical reasons you remained—and still admit that your spirit wants to live somewhere else. Wanting a different landscape or future does not make your present life meaningless or your family less loved. It simply means that part of you is still reaching toward a life that feels more fully your own.
Please continue writing about this evolving trajectory, April. Many people in the middle of family obligations feel guilty even admitting that they want something different, and your honesty gives them permission to hold love and restlessness together. I would also be interested in how working as a hospice nurse shapes your urgency to travel, build, and experience more of life. You spend your working hours close to the reality that time is finite; perhaps these dreams are not escapes from your life but reminders not to postpone it all. aa
Thank you for your kind words and wonderful insight. I do hope with time those conversations do bring me to places that even I can’t even image, in the best of ways. That’s what life is truly all about, seeing where the river takes us. We can help steer it, but ultimately the current will take us where we are supposed to be.
Thank you for taking the time to read it and give such a thorough comment. I know there are so many people out there that sit alone and wonder “what if?” I also know the fear of admitting to those what ifs. But I am a human. I was single before I became a wife and a mother, and one day my soul will be again. We are all on our own unique journey, with people coming along for the ride when the time is right.
April, “I was single before I became a wife and a mother” is a powerful recognition that your personhood preceded the roles you now hold.
I would offer one gentle addition: your soul does not have to wait until “one day” to belong to itself again. Marriage, motherhood, and caregiving add profound relationships and responsibilities, but they do not suspend the individual you were—or the person you are still becoming.
Perhaps the challenge is not choosing between yourself and the people you love. It is about learning to remain fully present in those relationships without treating self-erasure as proof of devotion.
The “what ifs” do not have to become threats to your family. Spoken honestly and handled with care, they can become a compass, a conversation, or even a shared plan. Your willingness to name them may help others understand that longing for personal growth is not the same as longing to abandon those traveling beside us.
I think gratitude and restlessness can live together perfectly well. you can appreciate today without wanting it forever ❤️
Every season of life is different. It’s meant to be. We must learn to flow and see where they take us. But still be as prepared as we can be.